The Truth About Love
by suckmysharpie
Summary: Miley's best friend finds a document on her computer of diary entries she has written over the last eighteen months. They seem to hold the key to being back to normal again. Will it be easy?
1. The Best Part

**A/N: I haven't written in a long time. I think this is legal. It has no last names. But I guess I'll be putting it somewhere else if it gets deleted. I'm a little rusty I think… lemme know. **

**BREIF SUMMARY: Miley's at the AMAs. She runs into Nick who is strangely kind to her. Her useless boyfriend invites him to the private birthday party they are holding at Miley's house after the show. All of the kids are there and there's so much tension you can cut it with a knife. The worst part is that Miley's best friend has found a very informative collection of diary entries on Miley's computer detailing everything that she's been through in the last eighteen months. These entries may hold the answer to bringing the old Miley back. **

**xo**

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**Chapter One: The Best Part**

The best part about being famous and going to awards shows was the gift lounges. Rooms, filled with things that you could take for free to use at your own consumption with only one condition: you had to be seen using or wearing the gifts the companies had _selflessly_ bestowed onto you. For Miley, of course, that wasn't hard. She had cameras in her face all the time. She didn't need to try and get herself seen wearing certain merchandise… all she had to do was stand outside her front door and smile.

She'd heard on the grapevine of all her famous friends that the AMA gift lounge was going to be obscene with the amount of freebies they were handing out to their guests and nominees. She'd heard that they were up there with last years Oscars gift baskets with all kinds of things she didn't need in her possession. She would have killed to get some of those freebies. Someone had said that there had been a diamond watch or something in there. She loved watches. She would kill for a diamond watch. She had her Rolex, but that was it. A diamond watch would totally sort out her necessary watch needs.

If only she could get her lazy boyfriend off of her new white couch and out of the door so she could get there…

_Let's stay in… let's watch a movie… _he'd said when she'd given him the opportunity to get his hands to get on a helluva lotta free stuff for doing nothing but standing next to her and looking pretty. The idiot that she was, she had agreed and she had returned home from rehearsals to the piles of ten DVDs he'd rented from _Blockbuster_ and popcorn which he knew she couldn't eat because of the effect it had on her teeth. He was lying across her white sofa with his dirty socks and his hands were greasy from the butter on his popcorn. The grease covered the leg of his sweats and there was a smudge she knew she'd be scrubbing off later from her couch he'd put there with those disgusting hands. He was really making himself at home, just like he had been slowly becoming more accustomed to over the last two months that she'd known him.

She was now regretting ever telling him to.

"Do you have any milk duds?" he asked as he looked into the deep empty bowl of popcorn he'd eaten all to himself, "I'm still a little hungry."

She stood up and walked to the kitchen, "You do realise that there is a complete full buffet at this gift lounge thing don't you?" she sighed as she opened up the cupboard and pulled out the required item, "There's gonna be loads of cool industry people there… and loads of people we already know… it'll be fun…"

"We've already been out like… four times already in the past two weeks…"

She rose her eyebrows and paused in the doorway, "But we've spent every other spare moment in here watching movies… why don't we go do something different…?"

He shook his head and rolled onto his side to see the television better, "I'm not in the mood…" he screwed up his face and shifted, "Something's vibrating against me…" he moved over and looked around, his hands roaming the couch, "It feels like one of those weird back massager things…"

Miley shook her head and stepped forward, shoving her hands behind his body and pulling out the object she'd spent the last hour of _Back to The Future _looking for.

"It's my phone, stupid…"

She grabbed the phone and shook her head at him. By the time she had removed the phone from between his ass and the back of the couch he had resumed his previous position and was now laughing his head off at that weird doctor with the white hair who, all in all, wasn't really that funny.

"Hello?" she mumbled as she stepped into the kitchen, throwing a look of annoyance at her younger brother.

"_Hey bestieeee!" _said the happy voice that Miley had longed to hear for days. It brought an instant smile to her face and she did a little jump in excitement. It was nice to talk to a relatable female for once instead of the ever so wonderful boyfriend she had that had come out of no where. It was amazing what a trip to the Cheescake factory could do for a girl's love life. "_What time are you coming to pick me up?" _

Miley frowned, "Pick you up for what?"

Mandy laughed, _"AMA gift lounge silly!"_ she giggled and sighed, _"So what time are you and the momma coming to get me so I can get me some new free kicks?"_

Miley closed her eyes and looked around. Randomly, as though to stop herself from screaming, she knocked Braison's baseball cap straight off his head with one full swat against the peak. He jumped as Miley smiled in relief. She had been getting weirder and weirder as the days went on. It was worse than when she was with Nick. At least then she was just goofy in love, not painfully in like.

"We're not…" she mumbled guiltily, "Mom and dad have gone to get me emergency extra birthday gifts or something… and Justin says that he doesn't want to go… plus… Jason has the night off because tomorrow's going to be a busy day for him. It's one of the biggest awards shows of the year."

Mandy was silent, _"So… no free stuff?" _

Miley covered her eyes guiltily with her hand and shook her head, even though she knew that Mandy couldn't see. It was more out of desperation and guilt than stupidity. She hated it when she had to let Mandy down. Mandy had planned this gift lounge escapade since Miley had known she had been performing on the stupid awards. Now, Miley was breaking her heart and separating her from the opportunity to totally drain all the companies out of their free merchandise.

"I'm sorry… it's just… there's no one to take me and I need to sleep before my birthday and stuff…" Miley explained weakly, "I promise you that the next awards show with a gift lounge… we will go and you can have my pair of free kicks and your own…"

Her best friend said nothing. She just remained on the line, silently trying to read each breath and pause of her young friend and what the heck could possibly be going on in that head of hers. They hadn't spoken in days and when they had done it had been very brief and scarce of detail. They had been to Europe and even though the plan had been to spend as much time with each other as humanly possible, they had spent hardly any time together as Miley had zoomed around London, Paris and Berlin every days like it she was simply hopping in the car to Target and back. The only free time they had when she wasn't travelling the continent had been when she had returned back to the hotel, and that time had been solely reserved for the sleeping Miley was desperate to do. All in all… it had made them more pissed than they had wanted to be…

Miley and Mandy were soon realising that one of them having a boyfriend and the other an up-and-coming career wasn't the best thing for their relationship… in fact it was struggling…

_"Do you want me to drop by so we can talk?"_ the elder girl asked in hopes that Miley would tell her what the hell was going on with her, _"We haven't talked in what seems like years…"_

"Justin's here…" Miley said to her like it was an explanation. She sighed, "I don't think he'd be impressed if I just blew off our private time to see you…"

She cringed. That sounded rude and it hadn't meant to. She had just tried to explain that Justin wasn't too impressed by someone interrupting their relationship with things he didn't understand. He and Mandy hadn't really got to know each other at all since Miley had been hanging out with him. Mandy hadn't been to sure of his reasons for wanting to be with Miley and Miley had failed in assuring her that they both really liked each other.

If truth be told, she was scared that Mandy's opinion would be more solidified into a negative one if she dropped by and saw him scratching his ass on the couch they had once shared all their secrets on. Mandy had always been so protective and so knowing of every which way that Miley thought, felt and understood things. They were like two peas in a pod, Miley and Mandy… they knew everything about each other without even saying anything. It was hard to find friends like that. Miley couldn't stand anything getting in the way of that, including Justin. So she tried to prevent it…

_"Is something wrong, Miles?"_

See? She knew everything. She was like… superhuman or something.

"What? Why?" she laughed, "Why would anything be wrong?"

_"You sound different…" _

"I had the flu… I'm still fighting off the cold…"

_"Its not that… it's your tone…" she paused, "Is something bothering you?"_

Miley laughed yet again, only this time it was less convincing, "I'm fine, Mandy… there's nothing wrong with me. I just…" she was interrupted as Justin wrapped his arms around her waist, his lips falling onto her shoulder, causing her to silence instantly. She closed her eyes as he caressed her shoulder with his lips. She tried to open them and found it impossible. Her skin seemed to buzz strangely with each kiss and her whole body went on alert.

_"Are you still there?" _

Her eyes flew open and she coughed to clear her dry throat, "Yeah… I'm here." She turned into Justin as he kissed along her throat, "I was just… making dinner…" she covered her mouth trying not to sigh breathlessly into Justin and cause all kinds of trouble, "Are you still coming by in the morning so we can go to rehearsal together?"

"_Yeah… that was the plan…" _Mandy laughed, "_Where's your head at?"_

"I don't know," Miley said as she wrapped her spare arm around Justin's neck, "I gotta go… the delivery guys here…"

She hung up and forced her lips onto Justin's for a moment before she pushed him away successfully in one movement. She panted and shook her head at him as he attempted to kiss her again. She wanted him to… but she knew she shouldn't. It wasn't the time or the place for them to be having a full make-out session.

"You should go…"

"Why?"

"I have the AMAs tomorrow and I need sleep." She explained plainly, picking up his jacket from the kitchen counter and thrusting it towards him, "There's a lot of things I need to sort out too… I'll IM you later… or I'll call you. Whatever is easier…"

He stared at her confused as she opened up the door and pushed him out, "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Sure…whatever…"

She slammed the door in his face and turned to rest her back against in exhausted.

She couldn't keep this up much longer.

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**A/N: whadaya think? **

**Reviews? Please… little bit of feedback?**

**Beth**

**xo**


	2. Times Are Changing My Friend

**A/N: Wow… long time since I updated anything. I thought I'd update this chapter with no clue of when I'm even going to be able to continue writing it. Life's a bit hectic right now with the holidays and the upcoming of school and getting the grades to go to university. I've also started writing another novel which kinda becomes priority in the writing department. I just hope you guys like this =)**

**I guess this is just a bit of a thought filled chapter. **

**xo**

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**Chapter Two: Times are changing my friend**

There was once a time, when she could do normal things without being judged for it.

There was once a time, when she could make mistakes and be forgiven.

There was once a time, when she could love unconditionally and expect it to be returned.

Those times were over.

Her eyes shone with tears as she looked into the image staring back at her.

Had it ever been beautiful? Had it ever taken someone's breath away? She did not know. She did not remember. Those words had only ever been said to her in fickle fancy, in a passing amusement of the lips of people that did not understand what it meant to toy with her emotions. No one had ever truly meant it. She had never been able to take someone's breath away. She had been winded by her own feelings so many times that she could no longer count… she could not longer bear to think everything over again.

"Where's the boyfriend?"

She spun around quickly and calmed herself as she saw Mandy's face looking back at her. It was okay. Mandy knew about Justin. It was simply the rest of the world that was speculating.

"He's not coming…" she mumbled as she turned back to the mirror, looking at her complexion and trying to remember what the hell she used to look like when she arrived in LA. She had grown so much, both mentally and physically, and she couldn't remember when it had happened.

Her best friend sat behind her on her hair stylists stool and looked at her with almost as much intent as she was looking at herself. She was dressed in her costume for their performance and she was ready for their rehearsal before Miley went home to get changed. She was secretly dreading this evening, hoping that it would be silent and void of bitchy comments from the people tried to call her friends. The only problem she had was that she couldn't trust them anymore… she didn't know what they might say or what they might do. She'd been used too many times before.

"What's going on Miles?" Mandy asked placing a hand on her back and stroking her hand across the slight bumps of Miley's spine beneath her hand.

Miley shook her to silence her and just stared into the looking glass like the answer would soon appear in its mystical metallic gateway. She couldn't take questions right now. She had enough questions to last her a lifetime. All she wanted was answers. She just wanted the answers.

"He's staying at home getting the party ready…" she spoke her words like she didn't care, because truth be told, she didn't.

She was sixteen – who cared? It seemed like she'd been celebrating the stupid birthday for months. All she wanted was to be at home in Nashville and to maybe have a car but she was getting neither. She was at one of the biggest musical awards shows in the country, she was performing, everyone would be looking at her and her stupid ass boyfriend was throwing her a party in her house after getting her father's opinion a week ago. She was now not going to see her family on her birthday. They were going to a dinner with some old friends for the entire evening while she would be stuck with Justin, his friends, the friends she had instructed him to invite and of course, Brandi as a chaperone just to make sure no one ran amuck.

Mandy looked at her confused, "What party?"

"The party…" Miley repeated her brow furrowing.

Mandy laughed, "I repeat… what party?"

"The party that Justin's throwing for me at my house tonight… did you forget or something?"

Mandy's cheeks flushed and she seemed to have realised something that the birthday girl hadn't. She stood up from the stool and walked around the room. She eventually found herself playing with the perfume bottle that came from Miley's vanity case on the counter, avoiding her best friend's eyes and looking a little pissed. Miley turned to her with her hands clasped sweetly in her lap.

"What's wrong?" Miley mumbled. They were out of sync from being away from each other for so long. They had to reconnect to each other's thoughts and feelings. They needed to realign back into step with each other and get their almost mystical connection of friendship back. It was going to be hard work.

Mandy shook her head unconvincingly. She was becoming filled with a hate unlike any she had ever felt before. It was malice. It was disdain and she should have known the moment she had set her sights on those nauseatingly brown eyes she'd met barely three months ago. They were eyes that held a secret and now that secret was becoming clear to the girl that for over a year had protected this little girl like she was her own flesh and blood… the baby sister that she had always wanted in life. Miley had once needed her so much that Mandy's heart had started to break. Those moments had only cemented the bond they shared. It only made them more immortal as friends.

"I haven't been invited to the party…" she shook her head, "Justin hasn't said anything about it to me… especially when he called to ask me about your birthday present…"

Miley's face dropped, but the older girl blocked the vision from her mind as she tried to think of every unforgivable moment she had shared with this sickening boy while talking about Miley's birthday a few days earlier. She had found it difficult not to tell him that it was unsuitable to buy a sixteen year-old sexy lingerie. It was wrong to book a trip to Paris alone with one hotel room. It was wrong to buy her jewellery after three months. They weren't getting married. They hadn't even talked about being serious. She was SIXTEEN. She didn't need another full on ridiculously mature relationship where she would be led by the worst man humanly possible. The entire world knew how that had worked out. They had all seen the ripples of that rock to the pond. They were everlasting.

It was more obvious to Mandy than most to his motives for being with Miley. She realised more than most when it came to his actions. She, as always, was beautifully naïve about everything. She buried her head in the sand and she hid from the truth. She lived in a dream world. She could not admit the truth about her emotions. They were too complex and they were too hard to make sense of. She wanted easy relationships. She wanted people that were easy to read. She always picked the first thing that didn't make sense. The complete opposite to what she actually needed. She seemed to think that her lack of sense added to something that made no sense at all would equal something that could work.

She was wrong. She was being taken for a complete ride worse than before.

Justin was ambushing her.

She was sure of it.

"Maybe he forgot…" Miley whispered.

In her head, Mandy could hear the inner monologue she was currently speaking to herself, reassuring herself that he wasn't doing what she had known he would do eventually. But there was no way that she could have ever stopped this from happening. Miley would _always _be stubborn. She had to learn things on her own… the hard way.

Mandy nodded sadly, "I'm sure that's it…"

They both turned as someone knocked upon the wooden door to the dressing room. As usual it was cramped backstage. There were dozens of acts performing and Miley was thrown into a small sized dressing room compared to others she had been in. But she hadn't complained, just like she'd heard another very famous act doing earlier in the day. She never complained. She was humble and that's what people never saw.

"You're needed for a sound-check in five minutes, Miles…" her mother said with a smile, holding out her hand for Miley to take.

She shot an apologetic glance at Mandy as she left the room, closing the door silently behind her.

Mandy tapped her fingers onto her knees instantly bored and looked around the room. She wasn't scheduled for a full of rehearsal with all of them until they had figured out Miley's technical sound and stuff. That wouldn't be for another half hour. She had a whole half an hour to wait and she really didn't need to practise anymore. If she did this dance one more time she'd be able to do it in her sleep… and she had sleepwalking issues as a child and it so would not be funny to se her dancing around in an unconscious stupor. She just wanted to relax… she spotted Miley's laptop and smiled… she wanted to do some social networking.

She picked up the laptop, but she frowned at the window that was open.

It was a document.

A very strange document… filled with dates and small blocks of text.

Her eyes widened as she saw the name of the piece of work that she was looking at and she looked around nervously. It was unlike Miley to be so sloppy with her computer. Usually everything was hidden and closed and put into folders where no one would find them except her. But here she was, showing this off where anyone could see…

And the last person she could have ever have wanted to see was now looking at it, eyes growing bigger and bigger by the second with each controversial word.

She had bared this personal document to the only pair of eyes that would read it and change things around. She had shown the only person who cared, the most personal words she could have ever written.

And as her fingers crossed over the keys, sending herself a copy of the document to her own email, she didn't care that she was invading her personal space. She was going to save her and make everything better. It was her job. She was her best friend.

To be continued…

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**A/N: So? Whadya think?**

**P.S This wasn't as spell-checked as I would have liked it to be =)**


	3. Her Year In Paragraphs

**A/N: Another of today's updates. Not very well proofed because Its 01:40am and I've got to get up in 6 hours (Y)**

**This one's pretty darn snazzy in my opinion. **

**What are your thoughts?**

**Love xo**

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Chapter 3: Her Year in Paragraphs**

Mandy's eyes ran across the document at lightening speed. Each word was another shock that caused her mouth to open wider and wider as she processed it. Who could she have possibly kept all these emotions within her? How could she have not wanted to curl up and die for a lot longer than she actually did? How could she have not told anyone this? This was huge. All of this new information was the kinda stuff that was more than likely tearing her up inside and making her ache physically with the strain of not being able to tell anyone.

A lump rose in her throat with the different entries that she read. They made her want to hurt something and scream as long as she could for as long as she could in frustration. Why hadn't Miley?

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_**July 25, 2007 – Los Angeles, CA**_

_He told me he loved me again today. I got this weird feeling in my stomach straight away and it wouldn't go away until I fell asleep and started dreaming about him. I haven't felt like this before. I feel pathetic. Dad says that its puppy love and that it'll go away soon because it isn't real. It kinda annoyed me that he'd want to ruin my hopes. Mom's figured out all the details of the guys coming on tour with us. I can't wait to spend three months with him not having to keep in touch via stupid email or text message. I will actually be able to spend time with him and actually be a teenage girl with a boyfriend for the first time in my life. Apart from the few hours I have for school, I'll be able to do all my favourite things everyday instead of just working all the time. I can spend time with him, I can spend time with my friends and I can goof around like a kid. It's going to be amazing. It's gonna make everything so much better. I can't believe that everything's been so good for me recently. I can't believe that I have everything I ever dreamed of since before I can even remember._

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October 18, 2007 – St. Louis, MO**_

_Tonight was the first night of the tour. It was amazing. I love being with him and the boys. It's so much fun and doesn't feel like we are working at all. It's like we're just goofing around and having fun. Danger is always joking around and making me laugh and Kevin is always the one to sit down and have a serious conversation with. But him… he's just… it's hard to explain… being around him makes me feel more complete than I have ever felt. I still smile when I see him. He stills gives me that flirty look whenever he sees me on stage. All I want to do is kiss him when I see him and when we meet backstage in their dressing room, he always kisses me on the nose to say hello. I could live on it. Him being with me is more natural than music to my ears. I can't remember smiling more than this. _

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November 23, 2007- Nashville, TN **_

_So, I'm fifteen today and I'm worried to how serious this thing with NJ is going. Tonight's show was amazing until I felt him push me up against the wall and kiss me deeper than I think he'd ever kissed me before. We were backstage where no one could see, but it didn't stop me being scared that we would get caught. He couldn't keep his hands off me and I was the same to him. There seems to be something between us that just keeps on growing and making me feel so frustrated and annoyed. He kisses me so much recently that it seems like everyday we're almost getting caught by the stage hands. If we're not making out all we do is scream at each other and argue causing rifts between everyone and making things weird. I don't understand what's going on. I don't even think I want to because it's so screwed up and I won't be able to handle it or accept it. I've been writing so many songs recently that I'm almost bursting with new ideas. I love NJ so much I'm starting to hate him and the way he acts around his brothers. He's kind to me when we're alone and he's the biggest ass I've ever met when we're with his brothers and the other guys. I don't know what is wrong with him. I don't want to love him anymore… but he makes me. I don't know what to do. _

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December 12, 2007 – Lexington, KY**_

_I think that I've done something that I shouldn't have. I think that WE have done something that we shouldn't have done. I'm serious. It could quite possibly be the most stupid thing I have ever done in my life. The only thing running through my head right now is "what the heck was I thinking?!" I'm fifteen years-old for crap's sake. I shouldn't even know about things like this, yet alone be acting them out and following through with every little action that I take. Why did I do it? That's what I want to know… so totally incredibly badly… I want to know why the heck I would ever send my boyfriend half naked pictures of myself in my underwear. I'm an idiot because now everything that's happened after he saw them is MY fault. If my dad finds out, he'll kill him. He already went crazy over the Dog Tag. He seemed to assume that because my boyfriend wanted to give me a token of his affection that I would be instantly marrying him. It doesn't help that some idiot decided to take my myspace pictures and post them on every gossip site in the world. It's just two girls at a sleepover and no one seems to understand that. My mom even sat me down to ask me if there was anything that I wanted to tell her. Things sure must have changed since the days of yore because she didn't seem to understand that I'm able to fool around with my friends. I dread to think of what she would be like if she ever discovered that I'd been fooling around with my boyfriend. _

_Dang. What have I done…? What the heck have I done? _

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December 15, 2007 – Toronto, ON**_

_The thought that I've only got a few more weeks with the guys on tour is both scaring and relieving me. I can't believe that their time with us is almost over, but I'm so proud that they've got their own stuff to do for their own personal career away from me. I can't help but be glad that once it gets to January that I'll be able to walk around without being scared that I'll see him and I'll be reminded of the fact that last week we went a little too far in our relationship. He's been pretty much avoiding me since too. He blushes and mumbles something about tuning guitars in his dressing room every time we run into each other. I don't think he's even kissed me since he rolled out of my bunk on the tour bus and back inside to his sound check. I really don't know what I want anymore, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't either. _

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December 19**__**, **__**2007 – Hartford, CT**_

_It happened again. All this stupid avoidance and it happened a-damn-gain. Who in their right mind leaves two teenagers together in a hotel room while they go to the store!?! Really!?! How stupid could our families get? Sure they needed to go Christmas shopping in time for the upcoming festive season, but heck, why did they have to leave the only two horny teenagers alone together playing old Mario computer games?!? There's only a certain amount of time before jumping and grabbing mushrooms gets boring! _

_Why, why, why did they us when they would be back? It just made it easier for us to sneak around. Now we're in another circle of tip-toeing around each other after one huge blazing argument, preceded by an hour or so of untameable teenage lusting and making-out and a week's worth of avoidance. We don't even talk to each other anymore. We argue and do stuff that we aren't supposed to and that's it. That is all our relationship off-stage consists of: Lust and anger and a heck of a lot of it. Lord help me. _

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December 23, 2007 – New York City, NY (Woo Hoo)**_

_So things are really weird… like scary weird to the point that I don't even know what's going on anymore. He's completely ignoring me. We were in his hotel room watching Juno and him and the boys were writing a song and he didn't even acknowledge me and the fact that I was there helping them and joking too. It was like I was invisible and I can't help but worry that we're reaching the end of the most perfect two years of my life and he'll leave me to carry on this dream alone. _

_What will I do? I haven't been around this place… Hollywood… LA… New York… the fame… I haven't been around it without him there to call at the end of the day with stupid questions that any other person would laugh at me if I asked them. But he… he seems to understand why I'm asking the things I ask because he wonders what the answers are too. He's been with me through everything that I've been faced with and I don't know what it will be like without him to be there. I sound like a clingy little creep but I can't help it, it's true. He's been my rock through all this. He's been everything to me for two years. If I break up with him, I don't even know what I'll feel like. _

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December 31, 2007 (almost 2008!) – New Years Rockin' Eve, Times Square, New York City**_

_I'm sitting in my dressing room waiting to go on stage. My mom, my dancers and everyone else has all gone out to watch the show, but I'm inside talking to Mandy on iChat while she's at home in Phoenix with her family (their holding a huge party apparently). _

_He still isn't talking to me, but he is talking to Joe who talked to Mandy before she left who just told me that Nick says he isn't sure he can handle the intensity of our relationship or something. _

_I can't help but be a little annoyed by the fact that he could have told me this months ago when I didn't feel so much for him and before I turned all slutty for him. I sent him pictures and I did a whole lot more that I can't bring myself to say. I could hit him I'm so angry. I just hope that he doesn't drag this out any longer than it needs to be. _

_**

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January 10, 2008 – I don't know where I am anymore except that I'm a tour bus**_

_Happy New Year, diary… I'm sorry its ten days late but I've been busy. _

_He came to see me his last night and told me he didn't love me anymore. I think that's what's made me like this because I no longer have that weird childish complex at the back of my head thinking that he's going to come back to me at any moment and change his mind because he didn't realise how much he loves me. It's gone now that I've heard it from his lips that he doesn't love me. I know that he doesn't want me back and it feels like something's been ripped from inside me and now that it's gone I no longer have the ability to feel anything. _

_I thought that I'd feel something like sadness or anger but I feel nothing except shame and humiliation for not realising it weeks ago when he was doing all those things to me on the tour bus or the hotel. He didn't do it because he loved me… he was doing it because he wanted to get as much from me as he could before he dumped me like a tonne of bricks from the twenty-floors up we were in that hotel room. _

_Mandy was here last night and we died my hair and stuff. It's black – dark black… just like the heart that no longer beats in my chest. She told me that I shouldn't be sad about him. He's just a guy, right? That's what I have to keep saying to myself. He's just a guy, he's just a guy. _

_But I'm a girl and I'm crazy about a boy who isn't in love with me anymore. _

_I don't need him. I don't. I don't. He's just a boy. He's just a boy. _

_**

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February 14, 2008 – LA, Home**_

_It's stupid days like this that I am reminded that I'm now part of the large part of the population that's romantically independent nowadays. It's time for bed and I've just spent my Valentines day evening with my best friend being a complete idiot so I don't remember that he broke up with me a little over a month ago. That tiny little month feels so much longer without hearing his voice. I miss his voice… I miss his smile when he crawls over me to tickle me awake on those weird days when he catches me asleep on the bus. I miss the way he steals my fries or a quick bite of something he isn't allowed to eat. I wish his arms were around me again and I wish that he wasn't so far away. _

_Everyone tries so hard everyday to help me to forget him but it's so hard when he's always around me. There's only so much ice cream and so much coffee that I can consume. Even if they wiped him of the face of the planet I'd still remember him. He's part of me… he's part of who I am and who I've grown to become. That's all that matters to me… _

_**

* * *

March 9, 2008 – Somewhere in America**_

_I don't want to write anything today. There's nothing I can think to write today except what is apparently the truth – He's seeing someone else. He's seeing her… that Selena girl… you know, who was on the show a couple of times? I thought she was my friend. I guess I was wrong._

_**

* * *

April 5, 2008 – The Studio, Burbank, CA**_

_So, I may have made yet another blunder this week by going out with this guy who's always hanging around the studio. Either he put something in my coffee or I'm just incredibly stupid, but I kinda sorta started kissing him and let someone take pictures of it. Now they're everywhere and I don't know what to do. It's just another wave of things I don't need to handle. I almost broke down today in the middle of the store when I was shopping with mom. She told me everything will sort itself out but I don't think it can this time. _

_On the Brightside, at least my albums nearly finished. I can't wait for them to hear these songs. _

_**

* * *

Eternity – Hell on Earth**_

_More pictures, a stupid vanity fair cover and a father who's grounded me for a month and sending me to Nashville to shoot a movie and find myself again (a little bit too much like the script if you ask me) is all I need right now. _

_The moment that I find out who stole and distributed those photos of me in my underwear I will sue their ass even if it means I have to emancipate my parents in order to get the cash to do so. Those photos were for Nick and him only. How the hell did someone get hold of them? If he gave them to anyone I will remove his testicles with a fork. _

_I don't even know what to do about the magazine cover, the bosses say I have to apologise but I don't know what for? _

_**

* * *

June 16, 2008 – Nashville**_

_I met a boy today when I went to work with my dad. He was quiet and a contestant on the show. He seems quite reserved for a singer. I heard someone say that he's an underwear model too. I googled him and I don't know what to say about what I saw. He spits on good ol' NJ any day. _

_I shoot the video for 7 things next week and I spoke to the director and he's pretty much letting me do exactly what I want to prove a point. I'm a little scared. There's going to be a lot of people there. _

_Nashville's been amazing. The movie looks like it's going to be great. I just can't wait to go back to LA and see my Mandy. _

_**

* * *

June 31, 2008 – LA**_

_There's only one word that comes to mind at this moment and that is S***. He called me! He CALLED ME. HE had the lack of moral scruples (I learnt that word in school today) to call me up and demand to know why I'd written a song about him! Did 'I' ask him why he'd written all those songs about unnamed girls at eleven at night when I was about ready to go to sleep? _

_He hasn't seen anything yet… he hasn't seen ANYTHING. _

_**

* * *

July, 2008 – the entire country!**_

_I've been busy this month promoting my new album and there's too much to say. I've been to New York and I've been talking to everyone. It's been amazing… so much more fun than sitting around doing nothing. _

_**

* * *

August, 2008**_

_My amount of Diary entries is lacking, purely because I started this thing to keep it up to date while I was on tour and we all know how that worked out. I think I'm going to do this at my leisure. I don't know why I'm telling you this… it's not like anyone's going to read this. This is just for me to get my mind off things. _

_Teen choice awards are this month and I'm scared I'm gonna screw up or start a fight with the replacement drones…. Or you know… laugh in my exes face like the idiot he is. He is yet to see the magazine article yet. _

_**

* * *

September, 2008**_

_So I spoke to Mandy who still talks to Joe sometimes when he's not feeling like a complete idiot, and she says that NJ isn't too happy and that it's caused problems between him and his lady love (Lol yuck). She's told him to cool it off and they're not seeing each other anymore because of the heat that's surrounding him. _

_I however have found a new friend. The guy from Nashville came to LA and my dad met with him and brought him home. He came to church with us and now everyone's saying he's my boyfriend. They obviously don't realise that he's 20 and it's pretty much not allowed for him to go out with me… not that I want him to… he's just a friend. I still care about NJ… I still kinda sorta love him… _

_**

* * *

September 16, 2008**_

_Nashville boy keeps hanging around. He was supposed to be going back home but stayed when Dad said he'd help him with his career. He also keeps suggesting to Dad that we go out places, which is… you know… weird considering I have my army of paparazzi following me. But I don't know… maybe he's a nice guy that just wants me to be like a normal person with him_

_**

* * *

September 17, 2008**_

_I hung out with Nashville boy (who is actually from Louisiana) today and I think he's got some kinda charm about him. I kissed him… a lot… after he started saying all this sweet stuff… and I know that it'll be trouble but I can't help it. I think I like him and that's a strong thing for me to say after two years of being with someone who broke my heart. But he seems okay. He doesn't seem to like the attention of the Paparazzi but will face them anyway to go somewhere with me._

_Hmm… :~)_

_**

* * *

September 27, 2008**_

_So it's official, after nine long months of being independent in the romantic world, I am now co-dependant. Nashville boy asked Dad if he could date me and weirdly he said yes. I think its Mom and Jason who are more sceptical about the whole thing. Being with him… it's… kinda weird… _

_**

* * *

October 5**__**th**__**, 2008**_

_My birthday party was amazing but emotionally exhausting. If I knew how many times I cried I would tell you, but it's too many for me to count them. I don't know what's wrong with me. I think everything's getting to me recently. I got a puppy and she's amazing =). The boys didn't come, apparently they RSVP'd saying that they were at a show… but… hey… whatever… why do I care?_

_**

* * *

November 3, 2008 – Europe Trip Entry**_

_Europe is amazing. I'm seriously thinking of moving to London and Mandy wants to move to Paris. It'll be cool because of the train you can get from London to Paris that takes like three hours. We'll always be able to see each other and we can stay over at each other's cosy little apartments. I was in Germany and I'm not sure they knew what I was saying but it was cool. Still, I had school work. _

_I've come back today and Nashville boy was planted on my couch. Dad said he let him stay over to keep him company while I was away. But I don't know… He seems to want to stay there. I dragged him to Best Buy today and all he bought was DVDs that he then returned to my house and spent eight hours watching. It's 3am now and it's actually November 4, but I'm awake and he's only just left. I have to get up at 7:30am tomorrow to go to the studio. Dang it._

_**

* * *

November 13, 2008 – New York **_

_I'm in New York. Is it bad that I'm pleased that he's not here? I just called him and he's on my couch again… watching DVDs. I can't help but think that if he came here to start a career… shouldn't he be doing something about it? Well… at least he's got the modelling jobs. _

_**

* * *

November 17**__**, **__**2008**_

_I think he's annoying Dad now too. I don't know what's going on, but I saw some old photos of me and NJ the other day that have reminded me of something. It's been almost a year since we broke up and I still miss him sometimes… is that normal?_

_**

* * *

November 22, 2008**_

_Today is my first day of rehearsals for the AMAs. I got here a little early and I saw the boys and I suddenly realised that I wanted to be on stage with them. I don't feel happy anymore and I don't know what to do. All Nashville boy does is make me worried that my career will be over at any minute. At least when I was with N I was hated because everyone is jealous. Now I'm just hated because everyone thinks I'm Britney version 2 with a crappier version of K-Fed. I don't want to be that. I want to be someone who's respected for the work that they do. Sure, Nashville boy can kiss me and make me have the strange feelings I felt a year ago when on a tour bus, but can he make me laugh and be happy while I'm doing it? Will I always feel guilty when I kiss him, like I'm cheating? Will the fact that I'm choosing him over my friends always plague me with guilt every time he forces me not to see them? Will I always have this fear of not being able to be in love again all because I'm still so crazy in love with NJ?_

* * *

Mandy looked down at her words and it was like looking into Miley's mind for the past year. She should _not_ have seen this. It really wasn't a good idea. When she wanted to be… Mandy was a meddler. This kind of material meant some serious shit was about to go down, the kind that history was built upon. And sadly there was only one reason for Mandy to do this: Miley was her best friend and she didn't want to lose her to some creep who didn't know how obvious he was.

She scrolled up and began to wonder what on earth had really happened between Nick and Miley. She hoped it wasn't the one thing she knew Miley would hate that she'd done. A sigh escaped her as her choreographer called her for rehearsal.

There was some serious work to do, my friend.

**

* * *

A/N: Guesses? Opinions? Thoughts? Let me know what you think my lovely lovelies. **

**Peace **

**B xo**

**P.S. Please excuse my attempts at accuracy.  
**


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